My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
