things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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