the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
