I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
