I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
