My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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