Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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