And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
