i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize