Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
