I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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