She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
