I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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