Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
