I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
