happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize