Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
