There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize