i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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