The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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