I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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