ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
