Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
