no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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