Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
