holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
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