But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
