And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
