after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
