I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
