Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
