I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
