Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
