My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
