So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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