giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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