Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
love makes seman taste better
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
