ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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