she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
