The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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