Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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