I can't breathe out the right side of my face
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
