is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
