Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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