He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
