she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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