I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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