I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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