dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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