You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
