I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
