do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
