I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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