OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Panties = found
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