we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You ate ashes out of my bong
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
