So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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