its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
