508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
