A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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