Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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