They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
