She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
