I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
