we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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