lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
