He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
