You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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